Today was Day 2 of work and I received my uniform.My boss mixed up the size and got me a size 18 pants and a size 20 top.The pants fit so I should be happy about that but they look retarted on me.I look so unhappy in my uniform(and I am ).Big change from what I looked like in my CF uniform.
I worked out today and burned massive amout of calories again.It's awesome.....I tried on a pair of jeans that I would like to fit into be the end of February and today I was able to close the button.....YIPPPPEEEE,LOL.Success.I am going to add another training day to my schedule and really get my Ass in gear.I am almost done filling out my paperwork for the military....I am so scared to go back....I am afraid to get hurt again...I really have to give myself more credit and believe in myself....it is so hard to do.Somedays I feel like the useless "FAT" person that cant do anything......yesterday my trainer tried to get my spirits up and told me how far I have come in the time I have trained with her.Why can't I see that myself??? I hate myself for being so hard and not believing in me....I want to be the strong person everyone tells me I can be...today my friend Gerry asked on how I felt being back at work...I had to think because I am happy to be back and earn money again and being independent but it is not what I want and it feels like I am taking a step back rather then forward.....Once I get back to Basic I will have to be strong and believe in myself....I will be the best looking girl on Grad Parade.....